I Woke Up Screaming

rachel weeping for her children icon

Rachel Weeping for Her Children Icon Painting, see Jeremiah 31:2-32 (specifically verse 15) and Matthew 2:16-18

By Kerwin Holmes, Jr.


Words cannot describe the anguish that I am in.

No, I do not write about every single thing that I actually have a say about.  I don’t write about every terrorist attack because then I would never really have time to stop typing (sadly).  No, I don’t write about every passing going on in my life or in the trajectory of America (typing problem, again).  But I cannot at the same time be entering two full series of measuring how God invades the lives of people and settles the affairs of mankind, and not offer an important insight into the very blatant message that God is sending us in the United States.

I cannot be a Christian who shares the Gospel and not speak on what is happening in my world, in my neighborhood, and in my family.

Days ago, we learned from the FBI after very questionable meetings between the Attorney General Loretta Lynch and Bill Clinton, and the highly mysterious clockwork of President Obama escorting Hillary Clinton in a victory speech via Air Force One, that Hillary Clinton, despite all of the great amount of evidence to her mishandling of sensitive national information, will not even face a trial by jury of her peers…nor will she be indicted.

This was a crucial miscarriage of justice.  We call this “injustice,” for short.

Then there were the now viral videos of police shooting black Americans that now have generated an amount of public opinion indictments and criminal sentences that are exponentially greater than the sum of the facts known from both cases combined.  Ironically this issue has more people riled up than the total breach of the American justice system at its highest and most public level…including the Justice Department itself that has just revealed itself to be nothing but a name.

Alton Sterling and Philando Castile are the recent victims in what has become a wave of social media and major media outrage over the killing of black persons by police officers in America.  (The media for their cases is highly graphically violent, so proceed with caution, as I will not post those images or videos here.)

So much of what I do on here and a greater deal which you do not see off of here relates to these issues of injustice.  Not all of the facts have been presented for Alton’s and Philando’s cases, so I will not prejudicially speak my opinion on their behalf, because that would be unjust and presumptuous…the very same criminal attitudes that many now claim cost these two men their lives.  But I can speak on Clinton’s exoneration as the very epitome of let-downs in our judicial government.  Meanwhile, religious civil liberties (particularly for Christians) continue to be eroded as California tries to force religious private schools to change their religious opinions or risk being shut down, and ChristianMingle.com is forced to endorse homosexual relationships on their website contrary to religious conscience and the broad availability of homosexual dating sites (…and if Salon is successful with their articles*, pedophilia may be the next HRC cause for Christians and religious people everywhere to fear.).  *This site contains language and societal professions that I do not endorse.

If we think that the injustice at the top of our system with Hillary Clinton is not at all related with the injustice done at the ground level of average citizens, we need to think again.


And then most tragically, directly because of the recent outrage over the shootings of Alton and Philando, murderous snipers opened fire on police as officers protected a Black Lives Matter protest in Dallas, Texas.  According to film, some officers can be seen shielding the people who were there to protest them as the situation unfolded.

I do a lot outside of this forum.  Part of what I did so far was confront some of people I know who were spreading messages of hatred toward the police community and toward white Americans, as well as trying to alleviate the pain of my brothers and sisters by being the sober voice for us to wait until all of the facts of the shootings are in before we indict anyone with our personal opinions and tweets.  I have written on this topic many, many times.  And what we have just witnessed is what happens when you fight the battle with the wrong weapons.  Yes, even words carry their consequences with them, so we should use our American liberty of free speech with the sobriety that it merits (that is a moral statement, and not a legislative command).

We cannot keep crying wolf for things that we feel are against us in the heat of the moment because that threatens the most vulnerable among us.

And we cannot keep turning blind eyes to the injustice surrounding us…yes, yes, even the injustices that we cause in our own short lives in our own selective manners.

God calls all of that sin.  And God takes sin VERY seriously.

The way that these entire days have unfolded wreak of Biblical judgment by God’s mighty hand, just like the sequence of events that befell David’s reign when he sinned with Bathsheba.  God is gradually pulling back the covers on America, and in her bed of fornication are her two lusty lovers: Avarice and Vice, along with their best friend Injustice.  It’s gross, it’s profane, it’s wrong, and it is SINFUL.

In reaction to this violence (after I made sure that my phone, my furniture, and my fist were not damaged) I tried to go to bed, but I awoke and could not sleep.  Could be my sleeping schedule, but honestly, I have been doing well in sleep lately before today.  You see, I woke up within myself, even as I prepared to go to bed from the day’s fatigue, after I read this latest news in Dallas.

I woke up screaming.

My mouth did not open, but God Almighty, I know, heard me scream.  Because I see this injustice every day as I grow to become more like Christ.  We Christians become more conformed to Christ as we mature, and the very things that break the heart of God begin to break our own.  This can be harrowing, as the sources of injustice never cease being before the Christian’s eyes, from without and from within.

I choose everyday to not live every moment in pain and agony.  But sometimes I get angry.  Believe it or not, when you have read my posts, you have seen me angry a couple of times (but with a moderated pen).  Yesterday, I had to let a little bit of the rage through.  Too many people never angry enough (or at all) during the off-season or during the playing season all of a sudden wanted to be angry (or not at all) during the playoffs.  And the same cycle repeated with the Freddie Gray cases (which are now falling apart due to lack of evidence) and many, many others.

Because of all that I went through just yesterday in trying to be salt and light, I penned this and thought about blasting it to the people spreading hatred and apathy, but I declined to.  But here it is for you to see.  It relates directly with the image from Dallas that I have posted within this written work above.

See this picture?  According to a common social media narrative, this is an enemy of justice hugging and comforting another enemy of justice.
What colored life are these?  White and black?  Grey and blue?  Blue lives matter?  Black lives matter?  Take your pick from the 24 box.  What paint brush do we get to crayola this picture with when it comes to their lives?  Trying to remove the deception here.  Believe it or not, we’re trying to solve the same issue, but I like to use the protest terms in advance for the truth that I wish to see eventually lived out when the struggle is completed.
Think about that.  Just sit and wallow in it.  If we are segregated even by our souls for the skin that we die in, then tell me Christian, how can we both be made in the image of God?
I guess the Jew on the cross didn’t save us after all huh?  Dang, and Jews come in all colors too.  He couldn’t even save Israel.  The soul wall of color just couldn’t be desegregated in that one Man’s body; it would have been impossible.
Galatians 3:28 is useless then?  And so is our Gospel?

Stay safe.  Stay sober.  The Judge of all the Earth will do rightly where men have failed.

Psalm 82


6 thoughts on “I Woke Up Screaming

    1. It is very much quite alright! We all have busy schedules and we cannot read everything!
      I appreciate your following my blog! Please feel free to browse around and read whenever, whatever you find the time to read.


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